What is that?

The best field sobriety test picture I could come up with at this time(and I’ve re-typed this line like five times now).

Moving on:

Carlos Zambrano makes his first start today(and they better fucking hurry up with these guys..I’m tired of beginning like this) in an effort to prove that he is the ACE of a Cubs staff that also features:

Seventeen game winner — Crazy low era owner Ryan Dempster.

Ted F’in Lilly — and his 32-17 record in sixty-eight games started(that’s right…every fucking game he’s been scheduled for He. Has. Pitched. )

Five and One –Rich Harden and his just absurdly low 1.77 era/.972 whip in Twelve games after coming to the Cubs. Fragile or not, he did this last year.

?????? — Yea, that’s kind of the thing…BUT,

HOLY SH&*T!

I’m not putting that voodoo on Carlos. Anyone who’s seen him pitch know’s what he is bringing to the table.

I’ve never seen our rotation from this angle. I’ve heard the talk, and watched the games, but seeing it for the first time(albeit a bit blurry) from this perspective I can’t say anything but–Goddamn!

Yea…HEALTH…Gotcha

I’m F*&ckin Drunk..I can do what I wants!

AT THE PLATE

It’s really a buffet, or of you like, bonanza:

Micah or Mike — Both sport a .400 average or above and combine for twelve rbi’s and six extra base hits(three homers) in twenty-seven at bats.

Ryan Theriot– SuperScapegoat is hitting .600 going six for ten with no walks. That’s putting the ball into fair play SIX TIMES OUT OF TEN!

Douchee singles hitter my ass.

They may all be singles but how many times can you get that f*&cking lucky?

(I’m drunk and now angry..excuse the extra profanity laden tirades)

Doug/Luis/Sam/Deeds/Fuld/ JUST EAT IT… — Up until today’s game(Padres Vs. Cubs 3/1/2009…Ok yesterday’s) everyone had been hitting, pitching, fielding, and or contributing in some way.

RBI’s from fifteen different players?

That’s as much focus as I can give you right now…if you happen to read this before I wake up  and correct it then don’t be surprised if it’s a bit more factual later tomorrow.

First pitch is at 2:05 central time

Against the Arizona Diamondbacks and this:

Brandon Webb

Dan Haren

Doug Davis

Jon Garland

Petit/Scherzer

OK, so not that intimidating, but that WEBB/HAREN one-two…OUCH.

What is he made of–anti-diamond?(which is the opposite of diamond, and by my logic that should mean extremely brittle)

Ok, that’s a stretch–but he was pulled(by himself) from today’s game after feeling tightness in his quad during his first at bat.

A game that we won I might add.

Beating the Brewers 7-4 at Ho Ho Kam

THE HILL

Sean Marshall started the game and made a mild case for being the fifth starter, allowing (he’s a giver) the Brewers to collect four hits and a run while striking out one. Probably with that huge curve lefty’s like to toss. If you listen closely you can hear Aaron Heilman weeping softly into his pillow.

Chad Gaudin Another piece of the Harden trade(I do like to mention that don’t I?), followed by pitching two innings of his own and gave up(he’s not generous, just mediocre) three hits, a run, with a walk and a strikeout. I know he used to start for Oakland but I prefer to see him in the pen, or at AAA Iowa starting in case his buddy from the A’s(see..again) Harden goes down sometime this season.

ALSO PITCHED:

Carlos Marmol–a hit and a run in one. I think that one was a bomb. Yea, don’t do that Carlos.

Mike Stanton —  a hit a walk and a run with two k’s in one. He’s also about as old as this guy.

Kevin Hart — pitched a perfect inning. Eight more and you might be impressive. Probably starts in Iowa.

Chad Fox — No hits or runs with a strikeout in one. This is that old guy who’s arm keeps falling off.

Angel Guzman — A hit and no runs in the ninth. Way to go Angel. I mean it isn’t that bad that you’re nearly the same age as this fellow Venezuelan.

Overall nothing too spectacular. Most of these guys either have a defined role or are pitching for a spot in the pen. Most likely to make the Big Club: Gaudin, Hart, Marmol(of course). Most likely to die on field: Stanton. Guzman is out of options I believe, so for him to avoid going the way of the Oriole he better pick it up.

AT BAT

The Cubs up their total runs today to twelve(7-4) led by a Fox and a Hare(Gathright, because he jumps high…get it? Ehhh). Jake Fox, who started at first, hit a three run shot in the third and Gathright led off going three for three with one stolen base and one caught stealing.

Aaron Miles — started at second and went one for four with an rbi. Good for you Aaron, now go sit on the bench and let Fontenot have a turn.

Richie Robnett –went one for two with an rbi. Not a chance he makes the roster but at least we got something for Wuertz. He played right.

Micah Hoffpauir–one for four while starting in left. Why do you insist on trying to play positions manned by heavily bloated contracts Micah? Why?

Jake Fox –two for three with a fucking BOMMMB. Played first…badly.

Dwayne Barney – a hit and a run scored while playing short. In five at bats though Dwayne? Will definitely be in the minors by mid march.

Chad Gaudin –a double in his only at bat. Known to  tell friends he wants to be the “New Jason Marquis” Those friends have since been traded to Colorado.

It’s alway nice to beat up on the Brewers, especially against their supposed can’t miss Gallardo.

Nothing too earth shattering came from today’s game. Fox played well, but considering his age and defensive limitations, he just isn’t likely to beat out Hoffpauir. He would be a welcome backup for third , and in case of emergency backup catcher, but I just don’t see it happening unless he really turns it on. Joey Gathright had a good game, but until he can keep it up on a daily basis I’m not buying it. His speed would be a plus on a team led by a guy who was caught thirteen(or seventeen) times last year. STOP RUNNING RYAN.

The Cubs are in Surprise tomorrow to take on the Rangers. Game starts at 2:05 Central and can be listened to on WGN 720 am.

I was going to make a Prince Fielder is fat joke here but I already blew that load on Sabathia.

This is what the Brewers did.

Or quite possibly none of you.

But why did I? Oh HOW. COULD. I. have not mentioned the departure of the one and only, slider low and away, slider low and away, slider low and away,

Slider low and away

Slider low and away tossing Michael Wuertz. It’s simple.

I forgot.

Wuertz was traded earlier this month to Billy Beane’s A’s for minor league outfielder Richie Robnett and infielder Justin Sellers. Beane, the highly praised general manager of the A’s, seems to be a new favorite target of Hendry’s(along with former Cubs incompetent and current Baltimore GM Andy Mcphail and anyone the from the Pittsburgh Pirates. Seriously, anyone). Mid last season Hendry brokered a deal that brought Rich Harden and reliever Chad Gaudin to the Cubs in exchange for:

RHP Sean Gallagher and his 5.15 era/1.69 whip

IF Eric Patterson and his .192/.284/.246 line which, oddly enough, makes him the better Patterson.

C Josh Donaldson who actually performed quite well at High A. Don’t believe it? Me neither.

and last but not least…

THUNDER MATT MURTON with his boyish charm, ginger mane, and weak ground balls hit up the middle. He was last spotted hanging out with this guy.

You know, the guys we got did alright too( Harden 5-1, 1.77era/.972 whip; Gaudin 6.26era/ 1.4…Okay so he wasn’t all that great but he had some arm problems).

But I’m veering off topic as that was all last season’s news.

Outfielder Robnett finished up last year in AAA where he put up a .236/.307/.351 line. He will be twenty-five this coming season and could either start at AA West Tenn or spend a demoralizing six months riding the bench in AAA behind the aggressively mediocre So Taguchi.

Infielder Sellers will be twenty-three this coming season and spent all of last year at AA, where he projects to start off again after posting a .255/.333/.367.

Look for Wuertz to be floating in the East Bay by sometime midseason.

* all batting stats are .avg/.obp/.slg%

Aramis Ramirez and Jim Edmonds also hit solo home runs in the game. The offense took a while to get going, but when they did it was a great scene!

Kerry Wood ended up with the win and worked his way out of a huge jam in the top of the 12th inning. Wood is now 5-4 on the year. Cubs starting pitcher Rich Harden only pitched five innings but only allowed one hit. The reason he only lasted five innings was because he walked six batters and struck out seven and his pitch count was very high.

Jeff Samardzija struggled out of of the pen once again as he gave up two run. Neal Cotts also allowed one run in relief.

The team found a way to win and that is exactly what they needed to do. I’m pretty sure we will see the Cubs clinch the division this weekend against the St. Louis Cardinals!

Cubs Blog

Cub’s fans got exactly what they expected out of newly acquired pitcher, Rich Harden, but it would take an 11^th inning RBI single from Reed Johnson to secure the Cubs second straight victory.  Harden was effective through 5 1/3^rd innings giving up five hits while striking out ten batters and giving up no runs.  It was the third time in his career that Harden had double-digit strikeout totals and the second this year.  He would leave to a standing ovation in the 5^th inning with a smile on his face that was shared throughout the electric crowd on hand at Wrigley. 

The Cubs would give Harden plenty of run support early led by Jim Edmonds 2-run homer in the 3^rd and then a two-run double in the 4^th.  He would finish the day 2-4 with four RBI’s and 2 runs.  The Cubs would then take a 7-0 lead into the 8^th inning before Giant’s catcher, Bengie Molina, doubled in Ray Durham for the Giant’s first run.  They would score once more to make it 7-2 heading into the 9^th inning. 

In the 9^th, with a five run lead, Lou Piniella gave the ball to Carlos Marmol, who has struggled of late.  After a lead-off double to Giant’s shortstop, Ivan Ochoa, things would begin to unravel for Marmol.  After another single and two Cub’s misplays in the infield, the game was quickly tied 7-7.  Cub’s closer, Kerry Wood was unavailable in the game due to a blister so Lou went with Sean Marshall in the 10^th.  Marshall pitched two solid innings before leading off with a single in the 11^th.  Then, with Mark DeRosa at 2^nd and Mike Fontenot at 1^st, Reed Johnson hit a one out, game-winning single which scored Derosa on a very close call at home plate. 

Expect the presence of broomsticks in Wrigley for the series closer Sunday afternoon as the Cubs look for the sweep.  They will be facing Giant’s ace and All-Star, Tim Lincecum (10-2), who has looked like a Cy Young winner despite pitching for a team below .500.  The Cubs will bring Ryan Dempster to mound who has yet to lose in Wrigley Field this season.

Special Note….  Cubs shortstop, Ryan Theriot, went 3-4 on Saturday extending his hitting streak to nine games and upping his batting average to .322 on the year.

A brilliant effort from Jason Marquis, and an 8^th inning homerun from “Mr. Clutch”, Aramis Ramirez, got the Cubs back on track with a 3-1 victory Friday afternoon.  Marquis, who pitched like a starter fighting to keep his rotation spot, threw 7 scoreless innings giving up 3 hits and no runs.  Giant’s pitcher Matt Cain was just as brilliant through 7 as he gave up 3 hits, no runs, and struck out nine Cub batters. 

With the flags barely moving, it was evident early in the game that we would not see the same type of day that led to 7 Red’s homeruns just a day before.  Both starting pitchers were dominant on the mound and through 7 innings the game was scoreless.  After a double from Cub’s leftfielder Daryle Ward, Piniella put in Ronny Cedeno to pinch run, and decided to pinch hit for Marquis in the bottom of the 7^th despite the low pitch count he had attained.  The move would cost Marquis a chance for the win as Kosuke Fukudome failed to plate the run.  It was obvious that Marquis was well aware of the looming probability that he might lose his rotation spot with the acquisition of Rich Harden, and he pitched well enough to earn another start.  With one out and nobody on, Giant’s manager Bruce Bochy decided that Matt Cain’s day was done and pinch hit for him in the 8^th.  Bob Howry pitched a perfect 8^th inning that set the stage for the ensuing drama that was about to take place.

Cub’s shortstop, Ryan Theriot,  kept his eight game hitting streak alive on a bloop play in the 3^rd and then led off the bottom of the 8^th inning with his second single of the game.  Mike Fontenot then bunted Theriot over to second to put the go ahead run in scoring position.  Giant’s pitcher, Tyler Walker, then proceeded to intentionally walk Derrek Lee to pitch to Aramis Ramirez with runners at first and second.   Ramirez then took the very first pitch and hit a hooking bomb towards the leftfield foul pole and out onto Waveland Ave to give the Cubs a 3-0 lead.  The homerun was the 17^th of the year for Ramirez and drew a curtain-call from the 41,000 fans in attendance. 

Cub’s closer, Kerry Wood, got the call in the 9^th and got into immediate trouble when he let the first three batters he faced reach base.  Ray Durham would score for the Giants making it 3-1 and leaving runners at 1^st and 3^rd with no outs.  Wood then caught Aaron Rowand looking for strike three, as Bengie Molina stole second putting the tying run in scoring position with one out.  John Bowker then flew out to Kosuke Fukudome and the runners held.  As the fans got to their feet, Rich Aurilla hit a ground ball to Derrek Lee, who then tossed it over to Wood for the 3^rd and final out.  The save would be Wood’s 24^th tying him for first in the National League with Giant’s closer Brian Wilson. 

Cub’s fans get ready to welcome in Rich Harden tomorrow as he will face Giant’s pitcher Kevin Correia who is 1-5 with a 4.96 ERA.  Make note that the game time has been moved to 12:00pm Central time so get their early! 

The Friendly Confines turned very unfriendly this afternoon for Cub Fans.  The rain held off but that didn’t stop the Cincinnati Reds from raining 7 HR’s in the Wrigley Field bleachers this afternoon on their way to a 12-7 win.  The loss ended a 3 game winning streak by the Cubs and prevented the Wrigley faithful from an opportunity to wave their broomsticks. 

The Cubs would strike first on a double by Derek Lee scoring Ryan Theriot in the first inning.  Hot hitting Mike Fontenot would double and score on a 2 RBI single from “The Riot” in the 2^nd inning that gave the Cubs a 3-1 lead.  That would not hold for long as Lilly could not make it out of the 3^rd inning giving up 3 runs including the go ahead 3 run shot from Red’s second baseman Brandon Phillips.  The Reds would not look back from that point as they would get 4 more runs in the 4^th capped off by Ken Griffey Jr’s 605^th career HR.  Griffey finished the day knocking in 4 runs on 2 hits.  Fontenot again delivered in the 4^th with a one out 2 run shot to the right field bleachers.  He would finish the day with 2 hits, 3 runs, and 2 RBI’s. 

The Reds just continued to pour it on as catcher David Ross led off both the 5^th and 7^th inning with HR’s, his first multi-homerun game of the season.  Votto capped off the power display when he hit the Red’s seventh and final HR in the top of the ninth inning. 

The Cubs did get their first look at newly acquired RHP Chad Gaudin in the top of the seventh.  He got behind David Ross quickly and Ross made him pay by hitting his second HR of the day.  After Gaudin gave up a single to the next batter he went on to retire 6 in a row.  Maybe Chad just needed to shake off the butterflies he felt pitching for his first time as a Chicago Cub!  Watch for Gaudin to be the real sleeper in the blockbuster trade made Tuesday for Rich Harden. 

Ted Lilly took the loss today and was unsuccessful in his bid to win his 10^th game of the season.  Lilly now falls to (9-6) on the season and will not pitch again until after the All-Star break.  Red’s starter Bronson Arroyo gets the win despite giving up 5 runs and 7 hits in 5 innings.  He now moves to (7-7) on the season with a 5.97 ERA. 

Hold on Cubs fans there is a little brighter news to report…  First Round pick Andrew Cashner, the right-handed closer from Texas, signed with the Cubs today and even got to throw in front of Cub’s pitching coach Larry Rothschild.  He is all set to join the rookie league team in Mesa.  It was also confirmed today that Cub’s fans will get their first look at Rich Harden on Saturday as the Cubs host the San Francisco Giants at Wrigley Field.  The Cubs will most certainly have a packed house on hand to welcome him to his new home on the Northside.  The Giants series begins tomorrow as the Cubs will look to get back on track with Jason Marquis taking the mound in a showdown with talented Giant hurler, Matt Cain.  Let’s go Cubs!

Ryan Dempster threw seven innings and only allowed two hits and one run.  The one run came in the fourth inning when Dempster walked Paul Bako with the bases loaded.  Dempster is now 10-3 on the season with a 3.13 era.

Neal Cotts had some problems in the eighth inning as he walked two batters but Carlos Marmol came in to clean up the mess and get out of the jam.  That is now the third straight time Marmol has pitched well.  Bob Howry had some problems in the ninth inning as he gave up three hits and allowed two runs to score.  Howry was throwing the ball right down the middle and just letting the Reds hit it as he was out there pitching with a big league.

The Cubs will now welcome Harden and Gaudin on Wednesday and then go out and try to go up 2-0 in the three game series.

Cubs Blog