What is that?

The best field sobriety test picture I could come up with at this time(and I’ve re-typed this line like five times now).

Moving on:

Carlos Zambrano makes his first start today(and they better fucking hurry up with these guys..I’m tired of beginning like this) in an effort to prove that he is the ACE of a Cubs staff that also features:

Seventeen game winner — Crazy low era owner Ryan Dempster.

Ted F’in Lilly — and his 32-17 record in sixty-eight games started(that’s right…every fucking game he’s been scheduled for He. Has. Pitched. )

Five and One –Rich Harden and his just absurdly low 1.77 era/.972 whip in Twelve games after coming to the Cubs. Fragile or not, he did this last year.

?????? — Yea, that’s kind of the thing…BUT,

HOLY SH&*T!

I’m not putting that voodoo on Carlos. Anyone who’s seen him pitch know’s what he is bringing to the table.

I’ve never seen our rotation from this angle. I’ve heard the talk, and watched the games, but seeing it for the first time(albeit a bit blurry) from this perspective I can’t say anything but–Goddamn!

Yea…HEALTH…Gotcha

I’m F*&ckin Drunk..I can do what I wants!

AT THE PLATE

It’s really a buffet, or of you like, bonanza:

Micah or Mike — Both sport a .400 average or above and combine for twelve rbi’s and six extra base hits(three homers) in twenty-seven at bats.

Ryan Theriot– SuperScapegoat is hitting .600 going six for ten with no walks. That’s putting the ball into fair play SIX TIMES OUT OF TEN!

Douchee singles hitter my ass.

They may all be singles but how many times can you get that f*&cking lucky?

(I’m drunk and now angry..excuse the extra profanity laden tirades)

Doug/Luis/Sam/Deeds/Fuld/ JUST EAT IT… — Up until today’s game(Padres Vs. Cubs 3/1/2009…Ok yesterday’s) everyone had been hitting, pitching, fielding, and or contributing in some way.

RBI’s from fifteen different players?

That’s as much focus as I can give you right now…if you happen to read this before I wake up  and correct it then don’t be surprised if it’s a bit more factual later tomorrow.

First pitch is at 2:05 central time

Against the Arizona Diamondbacks and this:

Brandon Webb

Dan Haren

Doug Davis

Jon Garland

Petit/Scherzer

OK, so not that intimidating, but that WEBB/HAREN one-two…OUCH.

Today we are going to eschew what has become the “Original” format to talk about the three different types of major league baseball players, at least I believe, should be on every team:

The Super Star(Soriano, Zambrano)

The Fan Favorite(Ramirez, Theriot)

The Grinder(which is not my favorite term, but F*&k it, it serves my purpose here–Johnson, Fontenot)

The Super Star:

There can be some discrepancy as to whether or not these players always deserve the recognition they get–most have one or two great breakout seasons and then remain on the lips of every sportswriter throughout the tenure of their career–or– have the good fortune to play for either Boston or New York. Their playing time and ridiculous contracts are warranted by their production, but have a tendency to become a hindrance to the team as they age and their skills wane, often times becoming untradeable due to their bloated contracts(Sosa). But, during their hey day on your team they are an essential ingredient to have a winning ball club.

On the Cubs:

Carlos Zambrano — What needs to be said. To know Z is to love Z. His era has been creeping up and his strikeouts have been going down, but so has the games/tantrums ratio. Here’s to hoping  that he keeps his head on straight and that Bako has been working on his hay-maker.

Alfonso Soriano — The Cubs record contract left fielder with the smile that looks like he’s been brushing with bleach, Soriano has yet to play a full season for his oh-so generous team. He was intitially signed for his speed and power at the plate, but ,a string of leg injuries has kept his stolen base totals low and all the time off has kept his home run totals under the forty range. Has shown a bit of patience at the plate so far in spring(two walks in three official at bats) and has said his legs are finally starting to feel “healthy” again. He probably won’t fourty/fourty again, but thirty/any number above thirty is adequate for the guy who, when leading off, somehow coerces the team into an over .600 winning percentage.

The Fan Favorite:

This is the guy who’s jersey you bought and then spent the rest of the afternoon explaining who he is to non Cub fans. His skills, while sometimes on par with the super-star, are usually good enough to warrant an all-star game or two in his career and keep him a valuable asset on the field.

On the Cubs:

Aramiz Ramirez — Ramirez is not a super-star. Should he be? Probably, but maybe it’s his supposed lack of hustle, quiet off-field demeanor, or all the time spent busy fiddling with his cock–but he just hasn’t reached that status despite hitting over twenty-five home runs and driving in a hundred rbi’s in every season since he’s been with the Cubs. Ramirez is even more impressive when someone else is on base, with a .301/.390/.950(last is ops) line for his career. He is hitless so far this spring, but you know, it’s like, latin players just play better when it’s hot and shit. Right?

Ryan Theriot — if you’re a Cub fan then you know why and how Ryan got to be where he is today. He hit a shitload of singles. Critics say he isn’t a major league shortstop, he has no range, no arm, and is flat out slow-short- and white. Apparently Pinella see’s it differently.

The Grinder:

This guy just flat out plays, no matter when-where-or why. They also usually have a hole in their game as big as the one in Pie’s swing(ooooo…suck it B-more). Most often found in a platoon situation or as a defensive replacement or pinch runner to accentuate( some sexy talk about the Cubs) their particular skill set.

On the Cubs :

Reed Johnson — Nuff said. Seriously, the only thing I want to add about Reed is that I’m almost a hundred percent positive he is a product of super-scout Tim Wilkens. If this is what we have to look forward to then the Cubs are in it for a while folks.

Spring Training Unknowns –and now we have the link into the usual pre-game. See how I did that? These are the guys(Hoffpauir, Fuld, Rivas, Scales, Patton, Gathright) fighting it out for maybe one/two spots on the bench. Versatility is the name of the game here, and so far it looks like Micah’s bat and Patton’s arm are speaking pretty loudly.

Things to watch for:

Happy Birthday Hoff ! Hoffpauir turns twenty-nine today and is supposed to get the day off after seeing action in every game so far. Look for D-lee to get the start, or possibly Jake Fox trying to showcase his ability to play the field well enough to beat out the birthday boy as possible backup first/third basemen.

Jake Peavy –Who will not be a Cub this season, but will give Cub fans a chance to see what might have been .

Yea, everyone would have died. Is that what you want Jake? Is it?

Dempster — makes his first start of the spring in an effort to keep up the incredible work he did last season. Yukk Yukk–ya dork.

First pitch is at 2:05 pm in Peoria.

And for anyone in Chicago, Lucero comes to town May tenth at the Metro.

At least it’s starting to feel that way.

I know it’s only spring training and were only four games in, but Cub fans can’t help but notice that same old feeling that ended abruptly in three nights last October–knowing your team is going to win.

It’s an odd feeling, to be a Cub fan and not peek with one eye as you open the paper/web page(assuming you couldn’t catch the game–f*&cking job) only to find out that the team lost a five run lead in the ninth after going scoreless in the first six innings against a Wandy Rodriguez or a Dave Bush( yea…Dave Bush…Fuck that guy)

It’s even sweeter to know your team dropped a thirteen run bomb on their Crosstown pseudo-rivals

The Cubs dropped the Sox this afternoon at Ho Ho Kam by a score of thirteen to nothing.

Thats zero runs scored by the Sox.

And zero runs given up by Aaron Heilman, who took the mound in the first two innings of today’s game. Heilman gave up one hit( to guess who…) Yea, that’s still a goodie. Heilman struck our four of seven batters and walked none, making Pinella and pitching coach Larry Rothschild’s job that much harder when choosing who is going to fill the vacant five slot. Heilman should get a few more starts this spring to prove his worthiness, but if he falters I expect his innings to shorten up as he prepares for an eventual role in the pen. Nothing too ground-breaking

Until Now

ALSO PITCHED:

KEVIN GREGG! –There you are Mr. Gregg. And all one hit and no runs with a K. Oh you…

Neal Cotts — Umm, thanks for coming. Cotts pitched one inning giving up a hit and no runs with a walk. Well played, Mr. Cotts, well played–but I’ve still got my eye on you.

David Patton –Rule-fiver from Cincinnati saw his first action today, pitching two scoreless innings with no walks and two k’s. How does it feel to cost about as much as Soriano’s left index finger?

Ken Kadokura –Second time on the mound for the Japanese league veteran this spring. Pitched an inning of no hit ball with a hit a walk and a K. Was seen wearing a Fukudome style kamikaze headband with it’s own Japanese caricature writing. When translated it read  “F*&CK KOSUKE!”

Jason Waddell — Gee, it’s been so nice getting to know you this spring Mr. Waddell. You and your no hits, no runs and no walks in one. Don’t be a stranger!(even though you most likely will be in a week.)

Esmailin Caridad –Pitched a perfect ninth giving up a hit with a K. Esmailin pitched a perfect ninth with pride and pomposity which people may never purvey as…oh fuck it.

Astonishingly enough, most of the Cub pitchers–be they veteran, rookie, or non-roster invitee–have pitched extremely well. This bodes well for a team that some consider to have an already incredibly strong rotation and back end of the pen. keep your eye on Jason Waddell(Someone else told me to–so now I’m telling you to) as spring progresses as he might be a surprise guy who breaks camp in the pen.

But as solid as the pitching has been, the bats may be the real surprise of early spring training, in which many consider the hitters to be about a week behind pitches in their progress.

AT THE PLATE

Brad Snyder – yet another Minor League outfielder, Snyder played the entire game in right and went two for five with a grand slam in the seventh. He put on a good show today, but with all the outfield depth the Cubs seem to be suddenly sporting, Snyder might be better off looking for another team.

Doug Deeds –didn’t I just get done chastising Bradley about this? The minor league outfielder subbed for Soriano in left and went one for two with a run. Yipee!

Aaron Miles –not Mark Derosa started the game at short today and went one for two. Was eventually lifted for:

Andres Blanco –who was actually sent in to remind Miles that he wasn’t Derosa and ended up staying in and going one for two with a run scored and two rbi’s. Not bad for a guy from the island of you know where.

Derrek Lee – Lee went one for three today to bring his spring average up to a robust .250. No double play jokes. Not today.

Micah Hoffpauir — he went two for four today with another rbi to make it eight on the young spring. Apparently he is so impressed with his own play that he’s been seen writing his name on all of D-Lee’s underwear.

Mike Fontenot — went one for two with a walk and a strikeout. Was overheard in the fourth inning telling Miles “It’s Ok, Im not Derosa either.”

Bobby Scales –Scales replaced Fontenot in the game and is apparently busy “Keeping up with the Rivas’s” –he went two for three with three rbi’s. Hmm, maybe it’s time to start thinking about some elective surgery.

Koyie Hill — Koyie went one for three with a two rbi double. Only gives the finger now to the cross-eyed.

Sam Fuld — Aww F*&Ck Fuld. Why’d you have to go do something like go two for two and f-up the kool-aid. Fuck.

And just like that the Cubs keep on rolling. Are we seeing the Pinella presence here? Or is the team finally being constructed intelligently with good scouting, coaching, and plate patience. If you’re a fan you have to like what you’re seeing so far, with a pitching staff giving up less walks than k’s and the inverse from Cubs batters at the plate( I don’t know if that statistic is actually true.) Heilman showed today that he really wants that fifth starter spot, but as long as Marshall keeps pitching well along with some of the other guys in camp we might be in for an exciting season.

IF BY SOME CHANCE I happen to have Jinxed the team and they end up breaking off a string of 170+ consecutive losses remember this:

__________________

I’ve got nothin.

Cubs travel to Peoria to take on the Padres and guess who ...

That’s right– Mr. Not Brian Roberts.

First pitch is at 2:05

The Sox did a whole lot of this .

Yea, I’m all like WTF! too, but still…

HA!

Cub prosperity has hit even the hardest working Sox Fans

“What’s it been like, a hundred years?”

“Say hi to Bartman for me”

“Joe Crede is waaayyy better than Ramirez.”

“..yea, if you mean by greatest fans a bunch of beer drinking fratboy yuppies who don’t even know the score to the game”

“CUBs S*&CK”

These are just a few of the inane, biased, and trite things you’ll hear come out of a Sox fans mouth when one even begins to screw up their lips and begin to breathe the dreaded C word.

Oh, forgot this one.

“Yea, if  by that you mean the “attendance world series.”

Which is a personal favorite of mine. Now I’m not saying all Sox fans are dumb and that all Cub fans actually watch the game–I’ve actually heard some pretty funny things come out of Sox fans mouths in regards to the Cubs.

But that isn’t what I’m about here(and I’m just way too tired to reach my usual level of mediocrity)

Aaron Heilman takes the ball today in his first action as a Cub since coming over from the Mariners. Heilman was the main piece in what is quickly becoming known as “The ANTI-LOU BROCK” Cedeno trade. I’m not even going to take the time out here to make a Cedeno joke, I’m just going to say that Cedeno will probably see about as much playing time as a Mariner as Heilman did( Aaron was traded from the Mets to the Mariners earlier in the off season). Heilman is involved in one of the few position battles in camp this spring, hoping to claim the fifth spot in the rotation as his own, but if he continues  to pitch as he has historically, it ain’t happening. But who knows–he could surprise. Word is out that he has great stuff,  to go along with decent command, but lacks the ability to be consistent. Some say he has an over-abundance of the “Marquis Factor”.

Yikes.

Things to watch for:

The coast being clear –so Lilly, Dempster, and Fontenot can let the air out of Ozzie’s tires.

See what I’m saying? I’m off my game.

PITCHING

Wherefore art thou Kevin Gregg?

Seriously, where the f*&ck is he?

We’ve yet to see action from the biggest off season pen acquisition, while guys like Mike Stanton and Ed Campusano are getting back to back game time. When Gregg was acquired the Cubs put the nail in the coffin of Kerry Wood’s northside career, to many a fans dismay(This Fan’s). So why haven’t we seen him? look for Gregg and fellow closer candidate Marmol to get alot of early inning time so they can face quality hitters in this farce known as “the closer competition”

It’s Day 4 of the Cotts Watch...and so far the coast is clear(see, I made it work this time)

Cotts has yet to see the mound in a spring training game, and to be honest, that’s fine by me. He’s a serviceable bullpen arm, and has the added plus of being a lefty, but nothing about Cotts says dominant or consistent. He’ll probably break camp with the team, but so what?

Things will probably be status-quo until first round of cuts start creeping up, so news in this section could slow down a bit as we see more guys more often.

HITTING

Micah Hoffpauir

Micah Hoffpauir

Micah Hoffpauir

Will he continue to tear the cover off the ball? And will a majority of those hits come later in the game against minor league pitchers that we already know he can hit.

Milton Bradley is out for the weekend with flu like symptoms. This may seem like the beginning of the end for some, but Bradley has only one at bat so far in spring training and what did he do? He drew a walk. I know that isn’t flashy to you, but it’s something the Cubs have struggled with as early as before last season.

FUUKKUUDDOOMMEE!!! I completely forgot about him. I’ll scour the net and get back to you with updates from Fukudome’s performance in the Japanese camp.

Luis Rivas He’s hitting .426 and he just might be ready to shed those Scales(ha, get it, Like Bobby Scales?)

Mike Fontenot –I believe Fontenot only got about twenty-one at bats last year against lefties, so look for how often and well he hits against southpaws this spring. Could be indicative of the amount of playing time he and Miles share at second.

Corey Koskie– Former Twins, Blue-Jays, and Brewers thrid basemen has signed a minor league contract. He will report to Mesa after taking part in the World Basebell Classic as a member of Team Canada. Koskie is a career third basemen with a lifetime average of .275 and some pop from the left side of the plate. Problem is he hasn’t seen the field since 2006 and at this point could be a less attractive alternative than Rivas.

First Pitch is at 2:05 central time.

Any MLB network customers out there should be sure to tune in March Tenth as the Cubs are going to be featured on the networks “Thirty Clubs in Thirty Days” program.

Rangers Shocked/Offended! Drop game 10-4:

To the Cubs Friday afternoon in Surprise…downed by the long ball. And who is supplying all of this power you might ask?

Micah Hoffpauir

Mikey Fontenot

Sam Fuld

That’s right, not an …irez , ..oto,..oriano in the bunch. Also not an everyday major league player in the bunch. I know spring training is supposed to be the time to let your farm guys play against a bunch of other teams farm guys and cast-offs hoping to make it to the bench, but considering the Cubs history of developing solid everyday position players a little excitement isn’t really unwarranted here. So in honor of that today we are going to start:

AT THE PLATE

Micah Hoffpauir — he went two for three today, one of those hits being a three-run second inning bomb. That brings his total up to two home runs and seven rbi’s in three limited action games. He is hitting .364 so far and showing that maybe his glove isn’t just an ice cream cone he duct taped to his wrist.

Mike Fontenot –everyones second favorite French Cajun hit a two run homer in the second and then knocked in two more in the six while legging out a triple for a total of four rbi’s. Lou was so impressed with Fontenot and his .286 average that after the game he and Pinella spent some one on one time together( I know, Weird. I didn’t know they were Asian either).

Ryan Theriot –speaking of the favorite son, Theriot started the game at short and went two for four with two singles and a caught stealing. That’s it. There is nothing funny about The Riot.

Sam Fuld – you probably remember Fuld as the guy who made that one catch that one time. Yea, that  guy. He went one for two with a walk and a home-run of his own. Fuld’s shot at making the big club is negligible at best with Hoffpauir hitting as well as he is and the presence of Joey Gathright. Could get a shot later this season if something goes terribly, terribly wrong.

Jake Fox –Fox got into the game today again, going one for one as a replacement for Micah at first. The club seems to be giving him a lot of  playing time, possibly in the hopes that he could be the backup at third considering the alternatives are Miles/Fontentot. Meh Cubs, I agree, Meh.

Jason Dubois –Dubois went one for five as the DH today, once again proving that he can hit–Just not the majority of the time.

Geovany Soto –What’s to be said? He sports a .500 average and  plays stellar defense. Today was his last game before reporting to the Puerto Rican national team’s camp. He says he wants to honor his country, but I think it’s just so he can get close to a certain someone.  Get em geo.

Luis Rivas — One half of the minor League monster that is Scales/Rivas, the former Twin went two for five while starting at third. He’s carrying a .426 average and may be a better answer to the defensively challenged Fox in the ” Hey Aramis, STAY THE F*&K ON THE FIELD” sweepstakes.

Doug Deeds –played the whole game in left and went two for five at the plate. Is apparently great friends with Jason Waddell on the island of “WHO THE F*&CK ARE YOU?”

RF –went a combined O for five. So Taguchi you are So mediocre. Robnett gets a pass( I think you know why.)

All in all the Cubs prospects are doing well. Things are looking good down on the farm, and the team may be able to go into the season with a 25 man roster boasting nine Cub system players(Theriot, Fontenot, Hoffpauir, Hill, Zambrano, Soto, Samardzija, Marshall, Guzman) being a five and four mix with more position players than pitchers. Take that Mark Grace.

But onto the main event…..

I know. It’s terrifying.

Thedodore Roosevelt Lilly took the mound today in the first and proceeded to bend Rangers hitters(and everything else) to his utter will. Lilly pitched two scoreless innings allowing(Lilly doesn’t give up anything…he allows) two hits and striking out only two. Those two were later found dead. Who says Lilly can’t be merciful?

ALSO PITCHED:

J.R. Mathes –two runs on four hits and a walk in two. Non-roster invitee, could be a pen arm. Then again maybe not.

Justin Berg –no runs on no hits with two walks and two K’s. Yep, sounds like a Cub prospect.

Ed Campusano –no runs on no hits and two walks. Seeing action for the second time in as many days, Campusano is a lefty and could be a good replacement for Marshall if he ends up as the Cub’s Five.

Rocky Roquet –yes, yes, he has an awesome name. He also has an 18.00 era and a ticket booked back to West Tenn. He pitched one giving up two runs on three hits and a walk with two K’s.

Marcos Mateo –no hits and no runs with a strikeout in one. First action from Mateo, is definitely headed back to High A or AA for more seasoning.

Jeff Stevens –worked the ninth giving up no hits and no runs with two k’s. Cub most likely to be injured in a Nancy Kerrigan style hit. Cub Fan’s loved them some Derosa( I did too, watch your back Stevens).

Stevens has so far turned in a good performance and could legitimately contribute to the big club this year, hopefully nullifying some of the “We Got Nothin,” talk. If the young Cub players keep producing throughout spring training it could give fans hope that the much maligned farm system may be back on track before we even get to see what super scout Tim Wilkens first crop can do.  Today’s was the last game for World baseball classic members Lilly and Soto, who go to play for their respective countries and give Cub fans a serious case of anxiety.

Tomorrows game is against the White Sox( if I could link you to a boo, just a disembodied recording of a boo, I so would right here) at Ho Ho Kam. You would think the game is televised somewhere, but if it is I haven’t been able to locate the information.  First Pitch is at 2:05.

This is what the Rangers did.

You’ve just been Chuck’d.

1. The time alloted before the start of an event where players and or coaches review strategy and overall  organizational coherence.

2. The time alloted before the start of an event dedicated to fans gathering and drinking heavily therefore avoiding outrageous stadium alcohol prices.

3. Two University of Wyoming coeds dancing and sipping from a bottle of crown while you wait four hours to go to a bar that oddly enough also hosted shots of crown and music for dancing(this is the one I’m stuck with since it was the first time I’d ever heard it used this way. Needless to say “pre-gaming” isn’t in my lexicon.)

…In an effort to keep this one short(The game starts in like twenty minutes) I am going to give you some basic things to look for:

Sean Marshall starts todays game. He is considered the favorite for the fifth spot in the rotation, but some critics prefer him in the role he played last year, long reliever and swing man out of the pen. With Marshall in the rotation that leaves Neal Cotts as the only true bullpen lefty.

No bueno.

3rd Base The departure of Derosa has left many wondering who is going to backup Aramiz Ramirez when he inevitably goes down with some form or another of leg injury. Aaron Miles is a competent up the middle infielder but has only started, I believe, six games at third in his career. Mike Fontenot has also been taking grounders at third along with converted catcher Jake Fox and the two headed moster Scales/Rivas. Some fans think it should be new Cubs super-prospect Josh Vitters to lose, but to them I have to say

F*&k it. Why not?

The Bullpen Ok, I know, that’s a bit weak, but it has yet to have been set and the aforementioned lack of lefty’s could make it some minor leaguer’s job to lose. Plus, Angel Guzman is back in camp. Way to go..umm…Angel.

Juan Cruz Former Cub is still on the market and has supposedly drawn interest from two teams. The Twins, now that Boof Bonzer is out for the year and… the Cubs. Problem with this is that he is listed as a Type A free agent and teams have been hesitant to give up the compensatory draft picks to sign him.

Well, it seems the game has been underway for an hour already, seeing as the game was a 2:05 central start, not 3:05 as I had previously stated.  You can listen to the game live on WGN 720 am or by signing up for MLB gameday audio.

F*%k You! Milwaukee.

I was trying to post video directly to the page, thereby avoiding linking you to an outside source–BUT, as it turns out, I have no clue how to do that.

So here you go.

Onto Cub related news.

CUBS WIN!…SOME MORE…

The team rolled into spring training the way they rolled out of last season–winning( There was no October in 2008. Weird, I know.)

And the team that they beat?

Yep.

The Cubs beat the Dodgers by a score of 5-3 earlier today at Ho Ho Kam, with four of their five runs coming courtesy of a first baseman not named Lee. Lee was in the game alright( 0 for 1), but the teams took advantage of the spring training caveat allowing the use of a DH regardless of location or opponent. So it turns out Micah Hoffpauir(1-4 with a grand-slam) is an awesome DH.

Awesome–He’s on a national league roster.

But his performance could be indicative of his ability to stay in-game while not being on-field, which could in turn strengthen his case for being the backup lefty power off the bench. Plus, he cant catch shit.

Jeff Samardzija started the game for the Cubs and pitched two innings, retiring the side in the first before having a shakier second. He gave up a total of three hits, two runs, two walks and struck out one. Samardzija is one of the candidates for the fifth spot in the rotation, but until his secondary pitches develop he would probably be better off starting for AAA than being lit up by major league hitters. He might return to the bullpen, where he was excellent last year, but that could be more of a disservice to his future as a starter than an asset to what some say is an already deep pen.

Mitch Atkins, Cubs 2008 minor league pitcher of the year, followed Samardzija by pitching the third and fourth, giving up one run on three hits with a strikeout of his own. Atkins will most likely start for AAA or be returned to AA West Tenn, which is the more competitive, pitching-oriented league.

Also Pitched:

Ken Kadokura–one hit and one strikeout in 1.0 . Japanese league veteran with legit shot for the pen.

David Patton–two hits and a strikeout in 1.0 . Rule-Fiver from Cinci, could also be seen in the pen.

Esmailin Caridad–zero hits and zero Runs in 1.0 . Battling Samardzija for name least likely to be spelled by sounding it out phonetically.

Jason Waddell–o hits, a walk, two strikeouts and the distinction of me not having the first clue who he is. WHERE DID YOU COME FROM!? Jason Waddell.

Jeff Stevens– one hit, one walk, and one strikeout in one inning. He was also a piece of the Mark Derosa deal with Cleveland. I believe he was the torso.

At the Plate:

The Cubs managed to push across five runs on eight hits while leaving a Bakers dozen(18) runners on base. They also managed to walk four times– which is oddly enough also considered a Bakers dozen.

Micah Hoffpauir– one for four with four rbi’s and a homerun(Grand Slam). Likely to start on the bench as the Cubs backup first basemen/Corner outfielder.

Ryan Theriot– two for three with two singles. The Cubs incumbent shortstop. Whipping boy.

Alfonso Soriano –one for one with a walk and a run scored. Cubs starting left fielder/linguistic enigma(How can he not speak the language better? He’s been here for like eight F*&kin years.)

Geovanny Soto– one for two with a single. Cubs starting catcher. Speaks better English than Soriano.

Reed Johnson– one for two with a single. He’s REED JOHNSON. Nuff said.

Bobby Scales/Luis Rivas– One for two with a single. Two headed minor league third baseman monster.

So that’s a wrap on my first wrap(get it?) As the season progresses I am going to attempt to post links and online videos as well as create unique names for each of these sections, hopefully making the blog easier to navigate.

Cubs take on the Brewers tomorrow in Mesa at 3:05 pm central. Sean Marshall takes the mound in the first.

Oh yea. This is what the Dodgers did.

Ok, so this is what they really did.