What? It’s science…

And in other out of shape, sweaty guy news, former Cubs closer Joe Borowski has decided to retire.

Borowski, a thirteen year veteran, pitched in both leagues as a reliever for a total of eight different teams.

But who cares about those guys.

Sweaty Joe will always be remembered by Cub fans as that one guy who was even scarier to watch close games than this guy.

And for his three years on the northside, most notably the 2003 debacle/division championship season.

So goodbye to you Joe, your mediocre fastball,  your “You’re a professional baseball player?–F%$K you” physique, and your “Really– Joe Borowski?” 2007 AL saves leading season.

And goodbye to this post that has been built upon being as lackluster and factually ambiguous as this guy.

Or quite possibly none of you.

But why did I? Oh HOW. COULD. I. have not mentioned the departure of the one and only, slider low and away, slider low and away, slider low and away,

Slider low and away

Slider low and away tossing Michael Wuertz. It’s simple.

I forgot.

Wuertz was traded earlier this month to Billy Beane’s A’s for minor league outfielder Richie Robnett and infielder Justin Sellers. Beane, the highly praised general manager of the A’s, seems to be a new favorite target of Hendry’s(along with former Cubs incompetent and current Baltimore GM Andy Mcphail and anyone the from the Pittsburgh Pirates. Seriously, anyone). Mid last season Hendry brokered a deal that brought Rich Harden and reliever Chad Gaudin to the Cubs in exchange for:

RHP Sean Gallagher and his 5.15 era/1.69 whip

IF Eric Patterson and his .192/.284/.246 line which, oddly enough, makes him the better Patterson.

C Josh Donaldson who actually performed quite well at High A. Don’t believe it? Me neither.

and last but not least…

THUNDER MATT MURTON with his boyish charm, ginger mane, and weak ground balls hit up the middle. He was last spotted hanging out with this guy.

You know, the guys we got did alright too( Harden 5-1, 1.77era/.972 whip; Gaudin 6.26era/ 1.4…Okay so he wasn’t all that great but he had some arm problems).

But I’m veering off topic as that was all last season’s news.

Outfielder Robnett finished up last year in AAA where he put up a .236/.307/.351 line. He will be twenty-five this coming season and could either start at AA West Tenn or spend a demoralizing six months riding the bench in AAA behind the aggressively mediocre So Taguchi.

Infielder Sellers will be twenty-three this coming season and spent all of last year at AA, where he projects to start off again after posting a .255/.333/.367.

Look for Wuertz to be floating in the East Bay by sometime midseason.

* all batting stats are .avg/.obp/.slg%

Once again haunting Ho Ho Kam park in preparation for the 2009 season. Full squad workouts began at their Mesa, Arizona facility  on the 20th with only one notable name missing, that being their pirouetting, non-righty hitting, early season mania-inducing only to be disappointed/confused at WHAT EXACTLY IS HE SWINGING AT?! right center fielder Kosuke Fukudome.

But more on him later.

GM Jim Hendry spent the majority of the early off-season dodging rumors(Peavy…Peavy…Peavy) and courting the switch hitting, off-field headline producing Milton Bradley before kicking it into high gear on last day of 2008 by trading Mark Derosa to the Cleveland Indians for three pitching prospects. Trading fan favorite Derosa proved unpopular and left many fans feeling validated in their belief that Hendry is in fact a donut hoarding idiot(why it’s always donuts I don’t understand). He followed that move up by jettisoning:

An idiot(Cedeno to Seattle along with Garret Olsen for former Met disappointment Aaron Heilman)

A malcontent(Jason Marquis and his drain of a salary to Colorado for the Lovely Luis Viscaino, his 5+ era, propensity for drunk driving, and…being a malcontent)

The next Lou Brock?(more likely Corey Patterson Felix Pie and his inabiltiy to hit major league pitching to Baltimore for Heilman bait Garret Olsen and RHP Henry Williamson)

And another idiot(Rich Hill also to Baltimore for a player to be named later determined by his effectiveness…which means that player will most likely be hitting off of a tee and have to be in the house by dark.)

So what have we learned about Hendry this offseason?

*That apparently he considers Baltimore to be his own personal waste dump.

*That he coveted Bradley enough to give him a 3yr/30 million dollar contract(although the third year is dependent upon games played.)

*That Gabor (Paul) Bako must have seen him do something terrible because he is back in camp at the bargain? price of 725K.

*That if you can jump over cars then you can play for the Cubs. No matter how mediocre you truly are.Gathright Jumping Car.

He is projected to cover the quota of bench players being tagged out at second following a walk now that Cedeno is gone.

*He also signed some guys to Minor League deals like So taguchi, Mike Stanton..blah, blah

Im not going to touch on the Kerry Wood subject in this post. But yea, he’s gone too. To Cleveland.

In an effort to shorten what is already proving to be a tedious and long post here is what you have to look forward to in upcoming entries:

*Zambrano needs Lasik–Dempster jealous of His “Sweet Ass Looking” eyepatch.

*Johnson doesn’t think he’s better than Fukudome. His beard reportedly does.

*Short white guy or short white guy, who’s on second?

*The Bullpen/Bench , which is more boring?

*I love Geo Soto(Thats it, no lame joke.)

Spring training play begins Wednesday February 25th at Ho Ho Kam with Jeff ” The Shark” Samardzija starting against the Dodgers.(yea…F those guys), followed on Thursday and Friday by starts from Sean Marshall and Ted F’in Lilly.

Notes:

WBC- Lilly(USA), Fukudome(JAPAN), and Soto(PUERTO RICO) are the only Cubs still committed to play for their country in this years classic.

TV- For a complete listing of Spring training Games on television visit either www.cubs.com or you can link to this post from their message board(kindly provided by one of their posters)– http://www.forums.mlb.com/n/pfx/forum.aspx?tsn=1&nav=messages&webtag=ml-cubs&tid=351492

Fuku- I told you I would get back to him. In exhibition play he has hit a two run triple as well as a grand slam against Nippen league team opponents. In how many at bats I don’t know, but I’m hoping it is two.

Interviews/Batting practice- Here is a link to Spring Training Interviews with Marshall, Fuld, and Cotts provided by mouthpiece sports: http://www.mouthpiecesports.com/blog/tag/Chicago-Cubs/

And here are links to BP from spring training:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RW3bRyPq0q4&feature=channel_page

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fn_b5BcH_ww&feature=channel_page

Thats it for my first post of 2009. I’ll be updating regularly with news, rumors, transactions, winning series recaps, losing series excuses and in general lousy humor and shoddy reporting. As I learn how to use this more I am hoping to be able to make it easier to follow links.

Sweetlou

Soon after the DeRosa trade, their were reports that Jason Marquis would be traded to the Colorado Rockies for a relief pitcher. Now, it looks like that trade will happen this week so look for Marquis to be moved while the Cubs will pick up part of his salary.

Last but not least, on Monday afternoon the Cubs and Milton Bradley agreed on a three year contract as long as he can pass his physical in Chicago. Bradley will be paid $30 million over the three years as long as he can stay healthy.

It is a decent contract, but I would have preferred for it to be around $45 million total and not so backloaded but I can see why Jim Hendry and management did it this way. They had to break the $50 million mark or you know Dempster would have been very serious about leaving Chicago and signing with another team. By back loading the contact, it also lets the team still actively look at trading for Jake Peavy.

Say what Cubs Fans?

The Cubs rumors are still going around about Jake Peavy. However at this time it looks as if the Cubs will need a third team to get involved if they want to land Peavy. The Padres aren’t excited about the young arms that the Cubs are trying to send to the Padres. Peavy will either land with the Braves or Cubs and we should know before Thanksgiving.

Cubs Rumors

Our friends over at Chicago Cubs Blog . Net have their write up on the game and I suggest you go over there and take a look. Pretty good write up for such a crappy game..

Ryan Dempster took the loss for the Cubs as he was terrible on the mound in his 4 2/3 innings. Dempster was not his usual self as he walked seven batters including there in the fifth inning before he gave up a grand slam to James Loney. The Dodgers also hit solo home runs off of Jason Marquis and Sean Marshall in the game while tacking on another run off of Jeff Samardzija.

The Cubs had nine hits in the game, they just didn’t get the big hits that the Dodgers did. Alfonso Soriano, Derrek Lee, and Aramis Ramirez only combined for two hits in the game. Mark DeRosa had both rbi’s for the Cubs when he hit a two-run home run in the second inning. The Cubs need more production and three or more hits in an inning to score some runs if they want to win game two.

Carlos Zambrano will take the mound on game two. Hopefully he comes out and gets ahead of hitters right away and the Cubs even up the series at one game each.

Cubs Baseball Blog

Now the Cubs have series with the New York Mets and Milwaukee Brewers this week. They will be resting starters here and there but still putting a good team on the field either way. The Mets and Brewers are both in playoff races so expect the games to be pretty night.

So now the question for the Cubs is who will they play in the NLCS?

Aramis Ramirez and Jim Edmonds also hit solo home runs in the game. The offense took a while to get going, but when they did it was a great scene!

Kerry Wood ended up with the win and worked his way out of a huge jam in the top of the 12th inning. Wood is now 5-4 on the year. Cubs starting pitcher Rich Harden only pitched five innings but only allowed one hit. The reason he only lasted five innings was because he walked six batters and struck out seven and his pitch count was very high.

Jeff Samardzija struggled out of of the pen once again as he gave up two run. Neal Cotts also allowed one run in relief.

The team found a way to win and that is exactly what they needed to do. I’m pretty sure we will see the Cubs clinch the division this weekend against the St. Louis Cardinals!

Cubs Blog